You’re More Than What Happened to You

For anyone who’s had it rough

VAndreas

One day, something just clicked in me. I realized what I was doing — blaming everything bad in my life on someone who’d hurt me a long time ago. It was holding me back.

So I decided to stop.

Your troubled past only matters so much. You could have the greatest reasons in the world for winding up broke, alone, and miserable. What matters is whether you can do something about it. Only you know that. Only you know how you get through the pain and live your life.

You’re more than what happened to you.

Your history makes you, but…

We love the idea of self-determination and free will. But to get there, you have to accept the opposite premise. We’re influenced by all kinds of things beyond our control — even beyond our awareness.

You’re the product of everything that’s happened to you, including bad experiences. Trauma shapes your habits and expectations.

And abuse can lead to toxic ones.

If you had a deadbeat dad or a borderline mom, you’re going to keep seeking out those relationships. You’re going to keep letting in the wrong types of people. If you grew up in an angry household, that probably explains why you keep losing your temper so easily.

You can live a long, decent life as a functional victim. You can drag through decades expecting slightly less, assuming you’re just not meant for certain things like love and fulfillment. Or you can dive into your personal tragedy and all the self-deceptions it bred.

You can be so much more

The memories of your pain aren’t for anyone else but you. The point of telling your story isn’t to wrack up sympathy points.

Your story is how you get stronger.

Let’s say you got yelled at every time you asked for something growing up. Maybe your parents used you to keep secrets from each other. Maybe they called you names and made fun of you.

That kind of pain doesn’t just fade.

It burrows. It makes you feel unworthy of everything, like you don’t deserve to be paid well for…