Who’s afraid of Virginity Wo(o)lf?

Your first time doesn’t have to be a love story.

Jessica Wildfire
7 min readMay 18, 2018


4 PM Production

Maybe I threw my virginity away. Or maybe I didn’t. My first time didn’t happen the way I planned. No bed full of rose petals for this girl. Just a bag of weed. And a shack in the woods.

Some of us think our first time has to be special. Magical. A teen romance novel. It if wasn’t, then maybe we made a mistake. But why? Lots of times, sex is simply awkward. Frightening. Or funny.

There’s a good chance you’ve already had sex if you’re reading this. But maybe you didn’t enjoy it as much as you felt like you should’ve. Like somehow you missed out. Screwed it up. Banged the wrong person.

Nonsense. You don’t have to get sex perfect. Or even right. We screw up lots of things the first try.

Maybe you remember learning how to ride a bike. Sex goes a lot like that. Except you’re learning how to ride a person.

Your first time might not even mean the same thing to your partner as it does to you. Because surprise. You partner might not be a virgin. For them, your first time might be their tenth.

My first time happened like this

In college I worked at a bohemian bar where hipsters sold drugs in the bathroom. Everybody knew your name, for the wrong reasons. That’s where I met him.

Let’s call him Neil. Something of a regular. College dropout. But smart. He made a living off odd jobs and selling weed.

A real catch, I tell ya. On paper he sounds awful. In person, he could charm the horn off a unicorn. He read a lot, and actually liked my poetry. We had fascinating conversations.

One night, he followed me back into the kitchen and put a hand on my cheek. Told me I was beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.


So we went on a date. The date ended in a shack he’d built in the woods. Not sketchy at all. You’re wondering what the hell I was thinking. Just how good looking he was. And smart. That’s what.

Fresh from high school, I’d never met anyone as real as Neil. His parents had kicked him out at the age of 17. So he’d started…