When We Talk About Sex (Online)
Opening up carries big risks, so protect yourself.
Peak inside any woman’s DMs on Twitter, and you’ll find some scary stuff. Not just dick pics, my friends. I’m talking detailed descriptions of what some guy would like to do to us, or one of our body parts. Full on nudes from strangers. Booty calls. Honest marriage proposals. Messages like, “You’re beautiful. Where do you live?”
These messages clutter up our inboxes, too. And it happens in real life. Especially if you’re open about your sexuality.
Many of these dudes use our openness about sexuality as a pretext. You talk about your sex life. You write about it. So you must obviously be having sex with strangers all the time. Right?
You must be a loose girl. Up for anything.
When you clarify, they act like you’ve cheated on them. They call you a hypocrite. A slut. Or they make you feel guilty.
And you actually believe them for a few minutes. Are you leading on thousands of thirsty fellas by writing about your orgasms? No. And you’re not going to stop sharing just because of a few weirdos. It’s important for women — and men — to open up a little. A healthy sex life doesn’t happen if you don’t communicate, sometimes even with strangers.
Almost everyone fakes a so-called normal sex life.
We fake a sexual status quo through lies of omission. By not talking about sex, we let everyone assume we’re normal. Whatever that means. We hide our sex toys. We keep our porn in secret folders labeled “Bills.” We pretend to have intercourse every Saturday.
Or if we don’t look “normal,” we slouch into another stereotype. The crazy cat lady. The 40-year-old virgin. The preacher’s wife. The porn addict.
If you don’t look like someone who has sex, then apparently you’re not allowed to enjoy it at all. Those are the rules someone made up.
We act like everyone can have an orgasm. That everyone can get an erection whenever they want. That everyone can find the clitoris. Or that it’s just funny if a man can’t, because a woman’s pleasure only kinda matters.
