Treat your siblings like casual friends
My brother never cleans his bathroom. A thick crust of toothpaste encases the sink. Whiskers from his razor sprinkle the faucet. An inch of standing water encircles the shower drain, and mold dots the tile grout. I’ve stopped bathing when I visit my family.
It’s the kind of bathroom where you flush the toilet with a pen.
And then you throw away the cap.
This year, I decided to forego my attempts to right my brother’s ship. Hardly anyone ever listens to their older brothers and sisters. I’ve learned that the hard way. In fact, giving them advice can make things worse. Siblings have a way of doing the opposite of what you want, and vice versa.
The less I try to intervene, the happier our visits have become. We exchange presents on holidays and birthdays now. We actually kind of like each other. He picks out great gifts, like booze. Also, he’s easy to buy for — games, books, art, the kind of stuff we both appreciate.
My brother will never see me as a role model. It’s just not his style. He doesn’t want role models. Every now and then someone I know talks about an older sibling as a positive influence. But they almost always follow their example. Not their advice. There’s a difference.
