The complete idiot’s guide to catcalling

Shouting vulgarities at cats has never gotten anyone laid.

Jessica Wildfire
5 min readJun 13, 2018
Photo by Emre Gencer on Unsplash

A friend of mine used to tell girls they were gorgeous. He’d just walk up and say the words. Usually at hipster bars. Total strangers. It was okay, though. He was an artist. Or maybe it wasn’t okay.

Honestly, I don’t know anymore.

It just feels like if you’re holding an avocado while you tell a girl she’s sexy, that’s slightly less ominous.

Like if you told me you were trying to empower me through compliments, while holding a bag of kale, and you were also wearing glasses with thick frames, I would be okay with that. Somehow.

And I’m also confused about why cats keep coming up in conversations about women. Pussy. Catcalling. Don’t tell me this all started with Cat Woman. I’m thinking it goes back even further.

Possibly to ancient Egypt.

Where I live, we have lots of stray cats. You can call them over and pet them. Feed them. But you definitely can’t fuck them.

If I knew that someone shouting at me from a distance meant moral support, and possibly free food, I’d be all for cat-calling for people.

Anyway, back to my artist friend.