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Raising a Kid, and a Career
Marriage and parenting forces you to make choices.
One of my mentors won a huge promotion last year. It required her to move across the country, dragging her husband and daughter along as they clawed and wailed. Neither of them wanted to go.
“They basically hate me now,” she said.
Her sex life has gone into desiccation, like a tardigrade.
The marriage itself has turned into more of a parenting arrangement. But here’s the thing. She doesn’t care.
Say whatever you want about my friend. She knew what she wanted, and she made a choice. Her daughter might hate her now, but I doubt that’ll last forever. Despite the long hours of a college dean’s job at an elite university, she still goes to plays and ballet recitals.
Having a kid shouldn’t kill your career, no matter your gender. It changes things, though.
I’m making a slightly different choice. Sure, I’m still pursuing my career. But fuck my old obsessive schedule. Every hour my daughter spends in daycare is an hour I don’t spend with her.
That doesn’t mean either me or my partner stay at home. But it does mean we both give up a little research and writing time.
