Places I’ll Never Have Sex

Where you do it doesn’t matter.

Roman Samborskyi

Some 20-something told me a great story about banging on the Eiffel Tower. This girl gave me an intense 24-hour case of FOMO. That night, I lay awake regretting how I’d probably never top that. Just getting to the Eiffel Tower’s hard enough for most of us.

Then I wondered. Even if I had the opportunity, would I go through with it? Probably not. There’s a major risk of getting arrested.

After all, I hear that place’s packed 24/7.

And also, falling. Another risk.

These days, we feel a lot of pressure to lead enviable lives. Instagram has just irritated the itch that Hollywood started.

So I started thinking about all the places I’ll never have sex. It’s a long list, and I’m perfectly fine with that.

Of course, maybe you’ve had sex in one of these locations. Congratulations. I’m a little jealous. But not too much. Because beds are awesome. They remain my top pick. We invented them for a reason.

I’ll never have sex on a yacht.

So many movies show blissful love scenes on the decks of boats. In theory, it sounds fantastic. One of my friends has a brother who owns a yacht. So if I really set my heart on it, we could probably make…