Our moms definitely had overlapping issues, and you're right--I wouldn't wish them on anyone. The grieving process over an abusive parent or relative is entirely different from a normal one. There's a lot of extra baggage and emotions to deal with. One site sums it up really well: Normal families miss what they had. Abusive families miss what they never had: https://rachealsrest.org/abusive-parent-dies-different-kind-grief/

There is *one* thing the self-help gurus almost get right, but not quite. I guess you could call it the grit conundrum. Your immense struggles pay off with admirable traits and talents you develop to overcome adversity, but does that mean everyone should be subjected to immense suffering, just because it might make them stronger? I'm gonna go with no. If someone wants to make life more unfair for themselves, they can do Iron Man challenges or try out for the SEALS.