Nobody Ever Has A “Bad Day”

Bad days happen. Except they don’t. Nothing in life ever folds neatly into twenty four hours— good or otherwise. That kind of sitcom logic does more damage than we think.

This lesson reaches some of us early on.

When I was a kid, my mom went off her meds and got arrested every other month. She sneaked into our rooms at night with weapons. Those days sucked, and they brought heavy aftermath.

Sleep helps reboot our emotions after the first onslaught of bad shit. But the scale of our disaster doesn’t matter. The next day, it remains.

Sometimes, your situation gets worse. Bad shit that started yesterday can take a long time to completely unfold. If you’re not careful, the “brand new day” lie can turn into a loop of disappointment.

I’ve had friends that never fully accepted the messy chronology of their lives. They wanted to break everything up into days. What happened on Tuesday stayed on Tuesday.

One of my grad school friends repeatedly toasted to a “new week” on Saturday. But he’d go back to making the same mistakes on Monday. It always amazed me how some people would pay money to fail a class. Nonetheless, he was all about bars and concerts. Not books.

Until Monday, of course. Then he was all about responsibility. By then, of course, it was too late.

Some people love the idea of “bad days.” It allows them freedom from responsibility. What happens on Tuesday stays on Tuesday.

My friend became the first person in the history of our PhD program to fail a dissertation defense. Sure, his committee never should’ve scheduled it in the first place. His manuscript was a mess.

How did he cope with the bad news? Not by cloistering himself in the library for a month. As most of us would’ve done. No, he would show up to happy hour and talk about how tomorrow was a new day.

He would post on Facebook about second chances. Redemption. And other nonsense. He spent an entire year rewriting his dissertation. Meanwhile his girlfriend, a year his junior, started and defended hers.

She lapped him.

Then she dumped him.

My friend still hasn’t learned. Somehow, he lucked into and out of a tenure track job. Now I’m not sure what he’s doing.

You still have to deal with bad shit from yesterday. Only one thing may have changed — your ability to cope.

Too often, though, we trick ourselves into thinking tomorrow will be better. Why? Just because. We don’t like to interrogate false comforts.

Time offers nothing but a made up way of organizing events. It can’t solve your problems.

We’ve all thought about the arbitrary nature of watches and calendars at some point. Then we shrugged and went back to work.

Numbers and schedules help us break our lives up into manageable chunks. Sure, we don’t have much of a choice. Except when it comes to how we process our emotions, and think about our experiences.

A bad day can’t exist. Neither can a good one. Days are just a fiction. We might have to plan and manage our lives as a series of days and weeks. But they consist of actions and habits that cut across.

Calling one day bad gives up control. When you say, “I’m just having a bad day,” then you’re letting go of actions and consequences.

You’re also probably avoiding reality.

Bad stuff that happens today has repercussions for tomorrow and next week. So you’d better mitigate and damage control now.

You can make your day worse by overreacting to other bad shit that happens. Hey, I know from experience. Practice has at least helped me learn how to mitigate damage. So a bad “morning” doesn’t turn into a bad “day,” and then a bad “week.”

Take a beat and get your head together. Meditate. Listen to some music. Take a short nap. Go for a walk. You don’t have to wait for sleep. You can try to reboot your “day” at lunch time.

You don’t have to wait until tomorrow morning to stop feeling bad about a traffic jam, or a nasty email. If you let them, those bad moments will follow through the entire month.

A bad day can’t exist. Neither can a good one. Days are just fiction. Temporarily useful.

We assume time heals all wounds. Some of us know better. It doesn’t. Sometimes, it even piles on.

Something will always go wrong. Not just kinda wrong. Extremely wrong. I’m talking about days where something happens that echoes. A car accident. A layoff. A death. A house fire.

Acquaintances say, “You sure had a rough day!” A friend offers to bring you ice cream and wine. So that you have a hangover the next day, and sleep late instead of talking to your claims adjuster.

Thanks, friend.

Sure, they’re trying to be nice. But consider the message. A scoop of B&J and a good night’s sleep. Is that all we need?

We assume time heals all wounds. Some of us know better. It doesn’t. Sometimes, it even piles on.

There’s no such thing as a bad day. Events happen. They reverberate. Your house fire leads to insurance claims, bills, repairs, a week in a hotel. More bills. It’s a lot to deal with.

The “rough day” approach fools us. Maybe we need to be tricked. But maybe that also sets up false expectations. Like the misplaced idea that “tomorrow” will be better.

Why? Part of your house remains toast. Your situation hasn’t changed. The only difference is that you’ve had sleep. You can start to process the damage. That counts for something. But a new day doesn’t equal a new episode. You don’t have a script writer with a bad memory.

Life has a great memory. It remembers everything you’ve done, and everything that’s happened to you.

A “new day” will only mean something if you can adjust your course and prepare yourself.

A few years ago, I made my own stupid mistake. Speeding on a rainy day. My car hit a barrier and rolled twice. It was a total loss.

Watching a tow truck yank my car up onto its bed, I faced a choice. Let my life continue to spiral, or count myself lucky for no broken bones and reboot. So I rented a car and started working on my claims.

My friends volunteered to bring over booze.

Instead, I bought groceries and went to the gym. Answered some emails. Went to bed early. Because I wanted to start tomorrow on better footing. That wouldn’t happen if I got drunk and recounted my sorrows.

Sympathy booze could wait.

The next day was a little better. But I still had to listen to my insurance agent whistle. “Your premiums are going to skyrocket,” he said. “Oh, are you okay — by the way?” Still had to spend a chunk of my stipend on a rental car, so I could continue teaching. And I had to take on a second tutoring job to afford a new car. Eventually, my life evened out — only because I paid for my screw up. To this day, I refuse to go over the speed limit.

Some of my friends expressed irritation at my new, law-abiding demeanor. Too bad for them.

Touch your day, and you’ll still feel the impressions of yesterday’s writing.

It helps to be honest with yourself. Not just about your flaws and responsibilities. But about life itself. Sometimes, it doesn’t exactly get better. Not for a long time.

A new sunrise can make you feel refreshed, but you might fall that much farther if you don’t stop and think about your actual situation.

Bad shit doesn’t usually occur in isolation. Your traffic accident comes with a fine, and a court date. And increased premiums.

That spat with a coworker leads to a meeting with supervisors and HR. An argument with your spouse can leave lingering hurt. Even if you make up, that’s not the end of your troubles.

Even resolutions never bring bad situations to a finite point. They simply start a new chapter in the same book. The crap that happened to us, and the crap we did, continues to influence us.

You have adjust your behavior.

We shouldn’t think of our “new day” as a blank sheet of paper. It only means something if you adjust your course and prepare.Touch your day, and you’ll still feel the impressions of yesterday’s writing.