How to Scorch a Casual Gaslighter
A few simple strategies
Once as a kid, I watched a bird in the sky. “Look at the raven,” I told my mom. She ignored me.
The next day I asked, “A raven’s a crow, right?”
That’s when she studied my face. “It’s really too bad,” she said. “I was starting to think you were smart.”
Then she got up and left.
That’s what it feels like to be gaslit as an 8-year-old.
One day, years later, my dad offered me some advice over a cigarette. He said, “You don’t have to tell your mom everything.” What he meant was that I had to stop being vulnerable around her.
It was tough, but I learned how.
Last weekend, I was at one of those office parties when that guy walked up. The first thing he did was ask me, “Where’s the family?” My answer didn’t satisfy him, and he walked off mid-sentence.
His favorite thing to do in meetings is wait until I’m done offering an opinion. Then he’ll say, “Well, that sounds like a good idea…”
He leaves it at that, an ellipsis.
This guy has one goal — to make me feel self-conscious, to make me doubt my own mind, and to subtly remind me that I don’t belong out in public by myself — not without my family.
