How to Meet Girls without Creeping Them Out

The science of first encounters

Obey the laws of greeting rituals

Linguists study how men and women interact in public. They’ve broken first encounters down into 5 stages:

  1. Distance salutation — smile at her. Wave. Do something to hold her eyes a few seconds longer. Establish mutual gaze, a brief moment when you’re both looking at each other.
  2. Approach — start walking over. If things are going well, she’ll glance away briefly and then reestablish eye contact.
  3. Close salutation — stop at conversation distance and say hi. Introduce yourself. Ask her if you can sit down, and how she’s doing.
  4. Backing off — shut up and give her a chance to reciprocate.

When it’s okay to talk to her

You don’t need a complex algorithm to decide when it’s okay to chat up a girl in public. Just pay attention:

  • Is she wearing earbuds?
  • Is she in the middle of a serious conversation?

You don’t need a brilliant introduction

A lot of guys have gotten their heads twisted inside out by 21st-century pickup artists and predatory dating coaches, who want you to act like some suave stereotype of an alpha male.

  • What are you reading?
  • I’m curious what drink you ordered.
  • I like your gym shoes.
  • Do you know what time it is?

Don’t talk to her just because she’s “pretty”

Simply finding someone attractive doesn’t give you a compelling reason to talk to them. You have to be drawn to her, even by something you can’t explain. There has to be something else besides her looks, like her clothes or hair — or the way she carries herself.

Keep it under 5 minutes

The whole point of talking to a girl in public is to ask her out, right? So get to the point. Don’t waste her time, or yours.

  • You have nothing else going on in your life
  • You think she doesn’t, either

Watch for avoidance signals

During first encounters, women and men both engage in what linguists call involvement behaviors. If she’s into you, she’ll do this:

  • Mirror your body language
  • Orient parts of her body toward you
  • Give you long, relaxed smiles
  • Nod her head and go mmm hmm
  • Let out slow, low laughs
  • Cross or fold her arms
  • Put an object in front of her
  • Purse her lips or clench her jaw
  • Keep checking her phone, etc.

You don’t have to ask for her phone number

Asking to exchange numbers could put her on the spot. Lots of women do this just to avoid awkward moments.

Your intentions matter

Strike up a conversation if you actually want to get to know her. Most single women don’t mind meeting someone new if they show respect and true interest. The problem is men who think they can somehow trick, bully, or guilt-trip women into dating them.

  • You actually want to date her — not just bang her
  • You’re willing to walk away if she ignores you

Politeness doesn’t mean interest

You should be able to tell when a girl’s just being polite. She’s not being fake or manipulative. Women tend to act super polite around strange men to avoid getting cursed at, or attacked in an alley.

  • She doesn’t make eye contact
  • In fact, she looks everywhere but your face
  • She gives 2–3 word answers to every question
  • If she laughs, it’s clipped and high-pitched
  • She doesn’t ask you any questions

The real goal of talking to a girl

Confident, mature men and women talk to each other in public places because they want to explore a possible connection. They’re tired of spending all their time in bars swiping on Tinder.

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