How to Lose Friends and Alienate Everyone Around You
A lesson in the basics
This one girl did me an unforgettable favor back in high school. “When we first met,” she said, “I couldn’t stand you.” Instead of sulking, I asked her why. Here’s what she said:
- You were so positive it made everyone want to puke
- You pretended to be in a good mood, even when you weren’t
- You had a ridiculous fake laugh
- You tried too hard to make everyone like you
- You gave pep talks that nobody wanted to hear
- You wanted everyone’s approval
- You were so impressed with yourself
- You never told anyone what you were really thinking
She had a point.
That’s how I acted for months after moving to a new school, to hide a broken home — and my autism.
High functioners like me tend to mimic what they see, but it comes out all wrong. Sometimes you have to do the opposite of what you think you should, or what you think everyone else wants.
It wasn’t until 7 years later that I finally leaned into my so-called defects. Turns out, being a little abrasive isn’t the worst thing in the world, especially if you own it. These are the things that really bug people:
1. Never say thanks for anything
Showing a little gratitude is the simplest way to make someone like you. That’s the only thing most of us want for going out of our way. You don’t even have to say the exact words “thank you.” You can just return favors, praise the job they did, or pay it forward in your own quiet way.
Taking someone for granted is a fast way to kill their respect. They’ll stop doing favors for you altogether.
There’s still one thing even worse than not saying thanks, and that’s giving a crowd-pleaser thanks. You’ve seen this before. Someone thanks you in front of a big group…. to make themselves look good.
They’re worthless.
The best kind of thanks is casual. Just take them out for a drink. Spend some time with them. Actually think about their needs.
