Member-only story
How Flunkies Fail Upward
And what you can do to stop them.
It was like something out of an action comedy, but way sadder. My friend asked a coworker to help a student with a computer problem. Instead, he bolted. Charged full speed toward the back exit. Kicked open the door. Vanished for a two-hour lunch. Returned with the audacity to ask, “Did you get everything worked out?”
At a normal university, this guy would get fired. But here, he’s receiving a staff excellence award next week. Why? The answer’s so simple.
He’s a corporate suck-up, in denim. With stubble.
So…you can’t really tell at first.
Corporate suck-ups used to be easy to spot. Now they’re all former bros who like football, strip clubs, and beer. Or they’re super into kale and avocado, and wear just the right style of eyeglasses.
Suck-ups don’t have a uniform anymore. They just blend in wherever they find jobs. They dress like their boss and mimic his body language. They’ve all got upper management practically tattooed on their ass cheeks.
My entire life, I thought these types existed only in movies. The fact of art imitating life never occurred to me.
Well, that’s not exactly true. I figured suck-ups must thrive somewhere in the vast jungles of glass office towers…
