Your Own Personal Love Language

Everything is a “gift,” in a way

Chapman’s book breaks love down into five categories: words of affirmation; quality time; gifts; acts of service; and physical touch. But the categories overlap, and you could call them all a kind of gift. Gary Chapman’s a smart guy — he gets this. The entire nature of categories is that you can combine them and nest them under each other.

The “love language” of gifts is literally about stuff

Chapman is pretty literal when it comes to his discussion of gifts. It’s not any of the other four. It’s specifically about buying something, finding something, or making something.

Why did he stop at five?

Because it’s a nice round number.

The one who decides what counts as what

Who decides? Not me. Not you. Your partner does.

You can get too clever with love languages

There’s a reason why Chapman broke down love languages into at least 5 different categories. If your love language is physical touch, you wouldn’t appreciate it if your partner played word games with you in order to define words of affirmation as “virtual hugs.”

Love languages are about simplicity

Gary Chapman wrote a great book, but even he says he wasn’t trying to solve the equation of love for all time.

Figure out what fills up your tank

What matters most is learning how to satisfy your partner, and yourself. The thing you need might fall neatly into one of the existing categories. If it doesn’t, then don’t feel bad about adding your own love language.

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