Girls in Yoga Pants Are Going to Explain The Higher Education Apocalypse to You

Maybe you’ll finally care.

Jessica Wildfire


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Students used to show up drunk to my class, especially during football season. They filled Gatorade bottles with vodka.

At least they smiled through my lectures, even if they didn’t read a single page of Marilynne Robinson’s Housekeeping, which they considered the most boring book ever written.

Students started drinking during their Thursday afternoon classes. They kept going through the entire weekend, which included all of Friday. Honestly, I was ready for a drink by Thursday afternoon myself. Back then I was teaching for a big state university with a student population somewhere in the neighborhood of 30,000. I taught four classes a semester, for a grand total of more than 100 students. Some nights, I really did walk straight from my last class to a bar.

My friends and I lived across the street from campus because it was cheap. It was also unbearable. We were constantly calling the police on frat bros and their girlfriends.

Anyway, look at this girl.

Isn’t she flexible?

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Kids aren’t going to college anymore.

Half of Gen Z has decided they’re going to skip college. I’m not kidding. The polls show 50 percent of them won’t do it.

You can’t blame them. College has gotten insanely expensive, and most of them haven’t kept up with the times. Only the most elite universities offer anything remotely worth the cost.

Enrollment is down 10 percent.

That’s a million students.

Hey. I know, I know.

You don’t care.

Sabrina cares, though. She doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life posing for photos like this one.

She wants a future.