A College Guide for Helicopter Parents

Congratulations on sending your kids off to college in mint condition. There’s not a scratch on them. They look like nobody’s ever taken them out of their original packages and played with them, not even once. Maybe you haven’t heard the term “helicopter parent” before. Allow me to explain. For 18 years, you’ve hovered around your kid constantly to keep them from making mistakes. But now the time has come to land.

That’s hard. You’ve sacrificed. You hired ACT tutors and brought gluten-free donuts to all the PTA meetings. You told your kids which colleges to apply for, helped them write their application essays, and tagged along on all their campus visits. And now they’re here! Bravo!

But…now what? You’ve invested a lot in your kids, and you want to see them succeed. You probably paid a hefty tuition bill. We professors understand, sort of, I think. Most of our parents didn’t even want us attending college, and they complained the whole time. They disowned us when we applied to graduate school, and we spent most of our twenties working 2–3 jobs. But enough about us! Let’s talk about you and your child.

This handy guide will explain everything you need to know about being a good college parent. Or at least it’ll contain everything I thought of in the last hour. Let’s get started!